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  • Jul
    10th
    New Contender: Spike

    SpikeName: Spike (Identity confirmed)

    1. Agility – 3/10
      • We just don’t know. No fascinating anecdotes or adventures mean that we have to be cautious.
    2. Health & Vitality – 5/10
      • Spike’s not much more than a kitten. They’re all healthy, except the sickly ones that pander to Darwin.
    3. Home invasion – 7/10
      • As Spike was discovered in a park (in Balsall Heath no less) he does have a hint of the vagrant about him. This is a good thing, it means he can take care of himself.
    4. Meow – 3/10
      • Again we don’t know. He doesn’t look like  a noisy one but it is so hard to judge these days.
    5. Fighting Ability – 8/10
      • Now we’re talking. Spike has tried to eat a child by starting with their hair. We weren’t there but we do have an image of Spike dangling with a mouthful of hair. Obviously Spike will learn, over time, if you want to eat a child then start with their feet so they can’t run away. Spike has also got into a fight with a dog and punched a man in the face. We do know that the dog in question is a bit dim but it is a natural predator so fair play.
    6. Overall cuteness – 4/10
      • Is that cute? We don’t think so. Yes, we can see Spike can do the comic position but a kitten needs to go that little bit further.
    7. Friendliness – 3/10
      • Punched a man in the face. THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF FRIENDLY.
    8. Dignity – 4/10
      • Is dignity lying prostrate on your back doing an impression of rabbit? Not it isn’t.
    9. Intelligence – 7/10
      • Spike spends much of his day laying elaborate traps so he can jump out on people, children and dogs. This isn’t the natural instinct of the hunter but rather a carefully constructed homage to the films of the late Peter Sellers.
    10. Remaining lives – 8/10
      • Having been born on quite literally, the wrong side of the tracks, Spike has found a loving new home which he has systematically abused and terrorised. Some would say this isn’t the most shrewd move but it is breathtakingly bold.

    Summary: 52%

    We can’t help feeling that Spike might have done better if we’d known more about him.

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    Post Categories: Contenders
    Tags: Spike
  • ‹ New Contender: JasperNew Contender: Stevie Kitsen ›
  • Comments

    1. Kim says:
      August 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

      I demand a re-evaluation.

      Reply
    2. admin says:
      August 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm

      I’d certainly like to wish you luck with your demand.

      Reply
  • Leave a Reply Cancel reply

  • About

    Doesn’t it piss you off when you are sitting in a pub telling people about a cracking cat you met that there isn’t an objective standard to gauge how good it is against another cat? People can rate hurricanes but not cats. That’s ridiculous, I see loads more cats than hurricanes. I intend to redress this imbalance by making a universal standard of cats.

    Many people ask if this site is restricted to just cats from a particular post code. It isn’t, cats don’t respect post codes, they don’t send letters.

    Submit your cat to contender@meowseley.co.uk

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