We just don’t know. No fascinating anecdotes or adventures mean that we have to be cautious.
Health & Vitality – 5/10
Spike’s not much more than a kitten. They’re all healthy, except the sickly ones that pander to Darwin.
Home invasion – 7/10
As Spike was discovered in a park (in Balsall Heath no less) he does have a hint of the vagrant about him. This is a good thing, it means he can take care of himself.
Meow – 3/10
Again we don’t know. He doesn’t look like a noisy one but it is so hard to judge these days.
Fighting Ability – 8/10
Now we’re talking. Spike has tried to eat a child by starting with their hair. We weren’t there but we do have an image of Spike dangling with a mouthful of hair. Obviously Spike will learn, over time, if you want to eat a child then start with their feet so they can’t run away. Spike has also got into a fight with a dog and punched a man in the face. We do know that the dog in question is a bit dim but it is a natural predator so fair play.
Overall cuteness – 4/10
Is that cute? We don’t think so. Yes, we can see Spike can do the comic position but a kitten needs to go that little bit further.
Friendliness – 3/10
Punched a man in the face. THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF FRIENDLY.
Dignity – 4/10
Is dignity lying prostrate on your back doing an impression of rabbit? Not it isn’t.
Intelligence – 7/10
Spike spends much of his day laying elaborate traps so he can jump out on people, children and dogs. This isn’t the natural instinct of the hunter but rather a carefully constructed homage to the films of the late Peter Sellers.
Remaining lives – 8/10
Having been born on quite literally, the wrong side of the tracks, Spike has found a loving new home which he has systematically abused and terrorised. Some would say this isn’t the most shrewd move but it is breathtakingly bold.
We can’t help feeling that Spike might have done better if we’d known more about him.
Doesn’t it piss you off when you are sitting in a pub telling people about a cracking cat you met that there isn’t an objective standard to gauge how good it is against another cat? People can rate hurricanes but not cats. That’s ridiculous, I see loads more cats than hurricanes. I intend to redress this imbalance by making a universal standard of cats.
Many people ask if this site is restricted to just cats from a particular post code. It isn’t, cats don’t respect post codes, they don’t send letters.