MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

Jun
2ndNew Contender: Simon

Name : Simon (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 7/10
   • We think it is fair to say that Simon is getting on a bit. We’re pretty sure he wouldn’t mind us saying this as we have known him for many years and we have that sort of relationship. In days of old you would have seen him scampering around Moseley Park but not any more. Mainly because he moved rather than any sort of infirmity.
2. Health & Vitality – 5/10
   • Unfortunately Simon has gone a bit mad recently and has a few problems with his kidneys. Clearly you don’t want us to go into too much detail but suffice to say you probably don’t want to ask him how he is. You’ll be there for hours
3. Home invasion – 6/10
   • We once found him sitting on our coffee table. He was fairly brazen about it as well. Good on him.
4. Meow – 7/10
   • Simon is a proper cat with a proper meow. You’re never in doubt where Simon is, unless he’s hiding.
5. Fighting Ability – 7/10
   • Simon is a master of everywhere he surveys. He doesn’t fight other cats because they know they would get good and battered. He’s a bit like one of the old boxers you meet in East End boozers. You feel a bit sorry for him but know that punching him in the face would be a very bad idea.
6. Overall cuteness – 5/10
   • He’s not really cute as such. Would you say an old person was cute? Hmmm probably not. That’s not to say he’s manky, he’s just old.
7. Friendliness – 7/10
   • Simon is a very friendly cat. He really likes to make friends with people that don’t like cats. We can’t work out whether this is because he wants to spread the love or he has an odd sense of mischief.
8. Dignity – 5/10
   • Simon only eats if people are watching him. There isn’t much dignity in that.
9. Intelligence – 6/10
   • What can you say about a cat that used to have his own column on the Internet? Probably your first question is “how did he type?”. Brushing this aside we want to remember the little rays of sunshine that Simon used to bring to the lives of the people of Moseley with his sweary rants.
10. Remaining lives – 8/10
    • There was a point in Simon’s life where we thought he was going to move into the vets at Fivelands. The fact that he went to Fivelands and came out alive is a minor miracle.

Summary: 63%

Clearly one of the best cats so far and setting rather a high bar for others to reach. Well done Simon you’re doing a fantastic job and we salute you.

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