MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

May
31stNew Contender: Socks

Name : Socks (Identity confirmed)

It is important to note that this is the first user submitted cat and therefore subject to the obvious problem of the owner just bigging up their cat in order to bask in its reflected glory. To be fair we like what we’ve seen so far but all of this assessment could be subject to change.

1. Agility – 7/10
   • Socks appears to be very agile with a penchant for play. Though that is what kittens do so she isn’t going to get full marks yet. If you have a kitten that isn’t agile then in many ways you’ve been done.
2. Health & Vitality – 6/10
   • She looks healthy enough but the thousand yard stare is a little disconcerting. Apparently she was brought up by goats. It sounds a little bit unlikely but we have no reason to disbelieve it, yet. You might think we’ve been a little harsh giving quite a mediocre health score to a kitten but we’ve heard she’s got a dodgy leg and that must incur a penalty.
3. Home invasion – 7/10
   • We understand that Socks is known to visit people’s houses and take food. Brilliant, have loads of points.
4. Meow – 3/10
   • Even Socks’ owner reckons she doesn’t make much noise and from what we’ve seen of her she seems completely silent. This just isn’t good enough. Try harder.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • Although we were impressed with the stories of how Socks can bring down a stick at the end of the day a stick isn’t going to fight back. She is at the beginning of her life so we will happily return to this score if she ever gets herself in a fight with something that isn’t made of wood. Extra points if it is caught on video.
6. Overall cuteness – 8/10
   • What can we say? She’s definitely cute. We’ve had some disagreements as to whether or not she should lose points because all kittens are cute. We’ll let her have the points for now.
7. Friendliness – 8/10
   • Apparently she makes friends with dogs. That’s just mental. Lots of points for unbalancing the natural way of things.
8. Dignity – 2/10
   • We’ve watched the video and she mucks around in bags. Clearly a lack of dignity bordering on shameless.
9. Intelligence – 4/10
   • This is difficult one. On the one hand we have an almost incomprehensible story about finding biscuits in some sort of pot which sounds very clever if complicated. On the other hand she does try and make friends with dogs. Still with 4 points she is about the cleverest cat so far.
10. Remaining lives – 1/10
    • Kittens will never do well in this section. She gets 1 point for knowing a goat.

Summary: 48%

It isn’t a very good score but let’s hope Socks isn’t disheartened. It is tempting to give kittens massive amounts of points because they are kittens. To do this would fundamentally undermine the empirical nature of this project.

We’ll keep an eye on Socks and reward her as she grows into a proper cat.

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