MeowseleyTurning Cats into Facts

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  • May
    30th
    New Contender: Lucy

    LucyName : Steven Lucy (Identity confirmed)

    1. Agility – 6/10
      • We’ve seen him sit on a wall once or twice but that’s really as good as it gets with Steven Lucy.
    2. Health & Vitality – 2/10
      • Nobody is ever going to accuse Steven Lucy of looking that healthy. He She is better than he she was but frequently looks like he she might die.
    3. Home invasion – 2/10
      • Steven Lucy is never going to be a cat burglar (you see what we did there). He’ll She’ll stop you in the street but is very aware of his her boundaries.
    4. Meow – 10/10
      • Steven Lucy has a brilliant meow. Probably one of the best we’ve come across. Bumping into Steven Lucy is a pleasure because sometimes it seems like he she can talk. He can’t talk but he she tries his her best.
    5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
      • If you’re looking for a cat to have a fight with you want to start with Steven Lucy. He’s She’s rubbish. In mitigation we think he she is probably above all that sort of stuff but the criteria are the criteria.
    6. Overall cuteness – 4/10
      • It’s difficult to say whether or not Steven Lucy is cute. He She looks scrawny and ill but his her eyes demonstrate a fundamental understanding of what it means to be a cat. We’ve given him her a low score anyway because we’re cruel like that.
    7. Friendliness – 8/10
      • Steven Lucy is a genuine cat that wants to be your friend and really likes to listen to what you’ve been up to.
    8. Dignity – 2/10
      • I’m afraid he she just doesn’t have any dignity. He She talks to anyone and always looks a little bit pleading. We still don’t know if he she has anywhere to live so being potentially homeless could go someway to justify his her needy air.
    9. Intelligence – 2/10
      • We certainly wouldn’t give him her a Rubiks cube to solve. Steven Lucy does nothing to change the tired old stereotpye that cats are stupid.
    10. Remaining lives – 6/10
      • If not eating properly is cheating death then Steven Lucy has done it. It could just be a lifestyle choice but somehow we doubt it.

    Summary: 42%

    We’re not surprised that Steven Lucy got such a low score. We like him her immensely but there just seems to be something a little bit wrong with him her.

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    Post Categories: Contenders
    Tags: Lucy, Steven
  • ‹ New Contender: BobNew Contender: Prison Cat ›
  • Comments

    1. DaddyTank says:
      June 4, 2008 at 11:23 am

      Steven’s a crackhead and what’s worse I happen to know he’s been trying to get Edward into it as well. Fucking crackhead cats.

      Reply
    2. Tony Smith says:
      May 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

      As the owner of Lucy I can assure you she gets plenty of food. It’s just that (a) she’s VERY picky and eats a little at a time and (b) she is currently being robbed of her food by a bastard of a great big black cat that will be in real trouble if I manage to catch it!

      On cuteness – believe me she knows how to put it on when required. Brains – knows when i’m coming home. Fighting – she once took on a particularly scary dog belonging to a young lout (he was so embarrassed!)and as for dignity, loss of dignity is her phobia!

      And anyway what’s so unhealthy about her??

      🙂

      Reply
    3. Tony Smith says:
      January 31, 2013 at 9:13 pm

      I’m very sorry to inform you all that Lucy passed away on Monday (28 January) having suffered kidney failure. She had a very long life amidst the cats of Moseley…

      Reply
  • Pings & Trackbacks

    1. » RIP: Lucy Meowseley says:
      February 1, 2013 at 4:57 pm

      […] very sorry to have to let you know that Lucy has passed away. She unfortunately suffered kidney […]

  • Leave a ReplyCancel reply

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    Doesn’t it piss you off when you are sitting in a pub telling people about a cracking cat you met that there isn’t an objective standard to gauge how good it is against another cat? People can rate hurricanes but not cats. That’s ridiculous, I see loads more cats than hurricanes. I intend to redress this imbalance by making a universal standard of cats.

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