Both Frankie and Scotty were submitted as a pair. This has caused us some problems, mainly becuase we’re not sure our scoring system can cope with it.
We had a discussion with some of the worlds greatest cat experts and decided that if it’s good enough for wrestling then it’s good enough for us. So, may we present Frankie and Scotty?
Agility – 7/10
Both cats can easily jump over 6 feet. A few months ago we would have been impressed by this but it is quickly becoming apparent that if you’re a cat and you can’t jump over 6 feet then there is something wrong with you. What they can do is leap over plants like tiny show jumpers. This is a fantastic image and we can only assume that their owner straps Action Men to their backs as a matter of course.
Health & Vitality – 8/10
These cats live on a diet of fresh fish and chicken. Even we don’t live on a diet of fresh fish and chicken. Though we also don’t have a head shaped like a protractor,but it isn’t a competition (it is really). A good diet means a shiny coat and at the very least the appearance of health and vitality.
Home invasion – 6/10
Frankie and Scotty are known to visit their neighbour upstairs and they do jump over fences. Not the most thrilling story of adventure but solid evidence.
Meow – 10/10
They scream like banshees. It’s pretty well as good as it gets. We are extremely greatful that they don’t live anywhere near us.
Fighting Ability – 3/10
As far as we know they are “brilliant at catching flies”. If, like Ralph Maccio, in the Karate Kid, they could catch them with chopsticks we’d be impressed. Their lack of thumbs makes this very unlikely. In the grand scheme of things flies are very low down. We’re not particularly impressed.
Overall cuteness – 4/10
Both of them were always going to be slightly doomed on this one. Though to be fair to both of them when we first saw their picture they got an instant 1. They’ve slightly grown on us. Unfortunately the whole alien look went out around 1995 when the X Files became crap.
Friendliness – 4/10
Neither of them seem to be too keen on strangers. They wouldn’t let a stranger pick them up. Neither would we, that would be weird. Like other recent contenders they get very attached to their owner. Of course this is because they’ve bonded on a personal level rather than the fresh fish and chicken.
Dignity – 9/10
It is unlikely you will ever see cats that similarly ooze dignity. When we first saw them we were tempted to doff our collective caps.
Intelligence – 4/10
There is little to indicate that either of them are particularly clever cats. They play with rubber bands.
Remaining lives – 5/10
Frankie got hit by a car and once broke her leg. Normally this would be grounds for a massive score but this is where the penalty comes in. If you submit two cats you’ve really got two chances at longevity. It’s a numbers game.
Considering that there are two of them you’d have expected a high 60’s score. Well, maybe we’ve been a bit harsh, but they are a bit funny looking.
Doesn’t it piss you off when you are sitting in a pub telling people about a cracking cat you met that there isn’t an objective standard to gauge how good it is against another cat? People can rate hurricanes but not cats. That’s ridiculous, I see loads more cats than hurricanes. I intend to redress this imbalance by making a universal standard of cats.
Many people ask if this site is restricted to just cats from a particular post code. It isn’t, cats don’t respect post codes, they don’t send letters.