Name: Errol Frank (Identity confirmed) Agility -6/10 You’ve got to watch Errol Frank, he has a bit of a habit of sneaking up on you from the most unexpected angles. Quite often you can be happily wandering along, you hear a bit of meow, and there he is, lingering on a fence. He’s also very very fast. Health & Vitality – 6/10 He’s certainly a big fellah. Probably about the size of one and a half normal cats. His coat seems quite shiny so there’s no reason to assume he is anything other than healthy. Home invasion – 10/10 Errol is about as good as it gets when it comes to getting into other people’s houses. We’ve caught him trying to get through the cat flap and when that didn’t work he just knocked on the door. How can you refuse a cat that knocks on the door? He has been brought up very well. Meow – 5/10 Being the strong silent type means that Errol Frank doesn’t need to make a fuss to get noticed. When he needs to let people know he’s sitting on a fence then he does but he isn’t exactly chatty. Fighting Ability – 9/10 Errol Frank is about the hardest cat we’ve come across so far. He can batter any other cat in his road and totures small animals. He was observed once taking a rat for a walk. Racing it up and down the road until he was bored. It is dubious whether we should reward what is […]
Name:Â Errol (Identity not confirmed) Agility -6/10 You’ve got to watch Errol he has a bit of a habit of sneaking up on you from the most unexpected angles. Quite often you can be happily wandering along, you hear a bit of meow, and there he is, lingering on a fence. He’s also very very fast. Health & Vitality – 6/10 He’s certainly a big fellah. Probably about the size of one and a half normal cats. His coat seems quite shiny so there’s no reason to assume he is anything other than healthy. Home invasion – 10/10 Errol is about as good as it gets when it comes to getting into other people’s houses. We’ve caught him trying to get through the cat flap and when that didn’t work he just knocked on the door. How can you refuse a cat that knocks on the door? He has been brought up very well. Meow – 5/10 Being the strong silent type means that Errol doesn’t need to make a fuss to get noticed. When he needs to let people know he’s sitting on a fence then he does but he isn’t exactly chatty. Fighting Ability – 9/10 Errol is about the hardest cat we’ve come across so far. He can batter any other cat in his road and totures small animals. He was observed once taking a rat for a walk. Racing it up and down the road until he was bored. It is dubious whether we should reward what […]
Name: Bollo (Identity confirmed) Agility -5/10 Apparently Bollo can fit through the smallest gap. We would hazard a guess that Bollo is not one of those microscopic cats made by the Japanese. In fact we’re not entirely sure the Japanese make microscopic cats, why would they? You’d lose them all the time, or tread on them which would be horrific. Like furry ants. Anyway, such claims are pure hyperbole. Health & Vitality – 4/10 Bollo likes to purge. She eats birds until they make her throw up. A more enlightened website would probably recognise this as a tricky psychological disorder that should be treated sensitively. We’re not that web site. Pull yourself together Bollo you’re no Princess Diana (though we do think your hair is lovely). Home invasion – 6/10 Bollo goes out and then Bollo comes home. Nobody knows where she’s been in between. We like to think she is leading a double life in somebody else’s house. It would be great if someone else submitted her as their own cat. We doubt that will happen. Meow – 7/10 If reports of her meow are true then there should be very few people in Birmingham that haven’t heard her. Even if such reports are exaggerated we’ll give her a decent score for being one of the few cats we’ve come across recently that makes the effort. Fighting Ability – 9/10 Whilst we recognise that she kills in order to maintain her perilous psychological condition, at the end of the […]
Name: Naboo (Identity confirmed) Agility -4/10 We understand Naboo once fell out of a window (or off a window ledge if you want to be picky). This is not a good quality in a cat. The very minimum we expect from cats is stability, anything less than this deserves the same level of contempt you would give a clumsy child. Health & Vitality – 8/10 We think Naboo looks very healthy. Lovely shiny eyes and a quizzical tail. A well presented cat is one that you can respect and share a confidence with. Home invasion – 10/10 Now we know that Naboo doesn’t really like to leave the confines of his house and garden and normally we would take an extremely dim view of this sort of behaviour. What we also know is that when Naboo absolutely needs to “go” he likes to do it in Carl Chinn’s garden. Now who amongst us can honestly say that given the opportunity they wouldn’t do the same? We can only imagine his fake brummie surprise everytime Naboo leaves him a little present. Well done Naboo you’ve given a little bit back for all of us. Meow – 4/10 Naboo doesn’t have a proper meow. The contention that he can “squeak like an excited teddy bear” has been discounted by the panel on the grounds of sheer nonsense. If you wish to make a case for a cat’s vocal ability then we suggest that comparing it to one of pure fantasy is not the […]