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New Contender: Graham
Name: Graham (Identity confirmed)- Agility – 5/10
- Graham has a particular interest in chasing bits of paper. This isn’t tricky. Bits of paper don’t move under their own steam and are relatively easy to chase down.
- Health & Vitality – 7/10
- Graham certainly looks very healthy. We have been told that she likes hiding in plastic bags which could be the result of a deathwish or some sort of saucy autoerotic asphyxiation. We’re not sure if going for the latter is giving her the benefit of the doubt or not.
- Home invasion – 10/10
- Graham is the master of home invasion. She is known in Chantry Road for pissing on a Doctors cabbages. We assume this was probably a statement against the absurd class system that means some people have massive houses whilst others are condemned to live in…… er smaller houses. We’re sure that’s what she meant.Â
- Meow – 3/10
- We can’t ever remember her meowing. We could be wrong.
- Fighting Ability – 6/10
- As Graham lives with Simon we think she probably isn’t very good at fighting other cats. Previously she has deposited a dead rat on her owners pillow and that gives her a better than middling score.
- Overall cuteness – 7/10
- Graham is a very cute cat. Even if she is grey.
- Friendliness – 5/10
- To be honest we’ve always found her a bit standoffish. We don’t know if she is dwarfed by Simon’s magnificence or just rude.
- Dignity – 4/10
- Graham is a thirsty cat. She likes to lick plant pots. Now we know you think this is probably because she isn’t given enough water but it isn’t. It’s a lack of dignity and she is marked down for it. Â
- Intelligence – 6/10
- She understands the concept of precipitation and seems to have a Ray Mears like ability to find water. Come the apocalypse we would like to have Graham about.
- Remaining lives – 6/10
- Graham lives with a dog. It’s a fairly stupid dog at that, we reckon she’s had a few brushes with trouble. Probably a slightly generous score but it’s not like the points cost anything.
Summary: 59%
We like Graham she’s a fine cat. We think she deserves a few more points and we will look into her vocal abilities and report back.
- Agility – 5/10
- ‹ Update: BobNew Contender: Geno ›
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Comments
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Leave a Reply to KimCancel reply
Graham has a fine and distinctive “meow”, although that wouldn’t be an accurate description of the noise she makes which is actually a sort of long continual “meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”, which is consistent in tone and goes on for a much longer time than you would think possible fro an animal with such small lungs.It’s quite funny but not very dignified. So I demand some more points for the “meow” section and less points for the dignity section.
This is the first time you called my dog stupid.