Meowseley

Name : Molly (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 3/10
   • Molly is known throughout Moseley for never moving from her doorstep. This would probably indicate that she isn’t too agile. Or she’s lazy. Either way she isn’t going to do very well in this section.
2. Health & Vitality – 7/10
   • There is certainly nothing dropping off her so we consider her to be a picture of health. All the other cats seem to like her which is generally a sign of being a healthy cat.
3. Home invasion – 5/10
   • As stated previously Molly doesn’t venture far so is very unlikely to come round to see you. Having said that she has a good relationship with her neighbours and has been known to pop round for tea. Not so much an invader, more of a visitor. We suppose that means she is polite.
4. Meow – 8/10
   • If you stop to talk to her she reciprocates. She has a full bodied meow that belies her diminutive stature and certainly gives her credibility.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • This just isn’t going to happen. We doubt Molly has ever been in a fight but we reckon she has caused a few if you know what we mean.
6. Overall cuteness – 8/10
   • Very cute. Tiny but cute. If you needed to keep a cat in your pocket to surprise people with then we would recommend Molly.
7. Friendliness – 9/10
   • Molly is very very friendly. Everyone knows her name and pretty well everyone stops to have a chat with her. She is a little wary at first but once she gets to know you she’ll be your friend for life. If cats were on Facebook she’d probably get in touch with you after a couple of years to see how you are. She is also very popular with lots of other cats.
8. Dignity – 6/10
   • Molly has a surprising air of dignity given how small she is. She has pretty well made her wall her own and it is noteworthy that cats and humans alike respect this.
9. Intelligence – 2/10
   • She just sits on a wall. It’s not very clever. She also doesn’t seem to have the good sense to go inside when it is raining.
10. Remaining lives – 4/10
    • We doubt Molly knows what danger is.

Summary: 54%

If Molly moved a little more she would have the makings of one Moseley’s best cats. There is room for improvement and we will continue to monitor her situation.

Name : Steven (Identity not confirmed)

1. Agility – 6/10
   • We’ve seen him sit on a wall once or twice but that’s really as good as it gets with Steven.
2. Health & Vitality – 2/10
   • Nobody is ever going to accuse Steven of looking that healthy. He is better than he was but frequently looks like he might die.
3. Home invasion – 2/10
   • Steven is never going to be a cat burglar (you see what we did there). He’ll stop you in the street but is very aware of his boundaries.
4. Meow – 10/10
   • Steven has a brilliant meow. Probably one of the best we’ve come across. Bumping into Steven is a pleasure because sometimes it seems like he can talk. He can’t talk but he tries his best.
5. Fighting Ability – 2/10
   • If you’re looking for a cat to have a fight with you want to start with Steven. He’s rubbish. In mitigation we think he is probably above all that sort of stuff but the criteria are the criteria.
6. Overall cuteness – 4/10
   • It’s difficult to say whether or not Steven is cute. He looks scrawny and ill but his eyes demonstrate a fundamental understanding of what it means to be a cat. We’ve given him a low score anyway because we’re cruel like that.
7. Friendliness – 8/10
   • Steven is a genuine cat that wants to be your friend and really likes to listen to what you’ve been up to.
8. Dignity – 2/10
   • I’m afraid he just doesn’t have any dignity. He talks to anyone and always looks a little bit pleading. We still don’t know if he has anywhere to live so being potentially homeless could go someway to justify his needy air.
9. Intelligence – 2/10
   • We certainly wouldn’t give him a Rubiks cube to solve. Steven does nothing to change the tired old stereotpye that cats are stupid.
10. Remaining lives – 6/10
    • If not eating properly is cheating death then Steven has done it. It could just be a lifestyle choice but somehow we doubt it.

Summary: 42%

We’re not surprised that Steven got such a low score. We like him immensely but there just seems to be something a little bit wrong with him.

Name : Edward (Identity confirmed)

1. Agility – 8/10
   • Although Edward has clearly been seen to jump over a fence and even through a window some say he is carrying a bit of extra weight at the moment.
2. Health & Vitality – 10/10
   • Clearly a very healthy cat as indicated by his very shiny fur. Mad stary eyes could indicate some mental health issues but these cannot be confirmed.
3. Home invasion – 6/10
   • Although Edward will wander around any garden he isn’t much of a visitor. At least as far as we know.
4. Meow – 2/10
   • If our scoring system could accommodate no points then Edward would get them, but it can’t. Quite frankly his vocal ability is pathetic.
5. Fighting Ability – 4/10
   • Edward is not really much of fighter. Some would say it is because he gets on so well with other cats. We know this isn’t true. He’s actually a bit gay. Not that we are saying that gay cats can’t fight. He is also obviously terrified of his nemesis Bob.
6. Overall cuteness – 10/10
   • Clearly he is cute. Anyone with eyes will tell you that.
7. Friendliness – 10/10
   • Can a cat be too friendly? Let’s assume not and give him all the points.
8. Dignity – 6/10
   • Is dignity rolling around on your back asking passing strangers to tickle you? We’ve tried it and were treated with appropriate contempt. Edward has been duly marked down for his lack of etiquette.
9. Intelligence – 4/10
   • This cat is stupid. He can be regularly found licking the pavement. There is no nutrition in concrete.
10. Remaining lives – 6/10
    • As far as we know he has had no real brushes with death. Other than being abandoned once and having a bit of scrap with Bob. Neutral points.

Summary: 66%

A surprisingly average score for a really good cat. Generally brought down by his complete lack of voice and not being very tasty in a scrap.